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no Volume X. Boomer, North Carolina, February, 1920. Number 2. AN' IT'S WUSSER THAN THE FLU i I Oh, the devil's been the ruler - Of the powers of the air; But it seems that very lately He's been driven down from there. He is now on earth among us, An' he knows his days are few; So he's brought an epidemic That is wusser than the Flu. He's still peddling that, old whopper That he told to Mother Eve, An' he's got the folks a-thinkin' They must listen an' believe. So "Immortal Soul" fanatics Think it reasonable and true All this Spiritism twaddle But it's wusser than the Flu. If the soul is still a-livin' When the body is no more, An a-shoutin' an' a-singin Over on the Other Shore, What's to hinder it from speakin Back across to me an' you? But it's just the devil's magic, An' it's wusser than the Flu. Yes, they say the dead are livin', An' that no one ever dies, An' they come back on a visit From their mansions in the skies Gome with messages and greetings, An' try hard to get them through; But we know it's demonism, An' it's wusser than the Flu. k the witches peep an' mutter In a dark stuffy room, Till the soul comes in a-ridin' On the handle of a broom. Then they gather round an listen For some satisfyin' clue; But they're always disappointed, For it's wusserthan the Flu. Yet the tide is rising higher, An' the world is goih' mad, An' wherever people gather It's the one an' only fad. Otxija boards and spirit-writin', An' all sorts . cf booger-boo; It's the masterpiece of Satan, An it's wusser than the Flu. All because the Orthodoctors Of Divinity have said That a man is still a-livin' When we know that he is dead. That has boomed the devil's business To beat all I ever knew; Spiritism's on a rampage, An' it's wusser than the Flu. Now the churches must accept it, Or reject the devil's lie That the soul was made immortal So it couldn't ever die. That will split the churches open, And destroy their doctrine, too; tt's an awful epidemic, An' it's wusser than the Flu. U'b a runnin' people crazy Just as crazy as a loon And the bug-house institutions Will be running over soon. Flu can hurt a person's body, An' that's all that it can do; Spiritism wrecks the reason, So it's wusser than the Flu. Pack it on Pearson. CANNED RELIGION A Protestant conference held re cently in Boston initiated the idea of "phonograph pastors." The idea comes, not as a labor-saving device, but as a measure of economy. Pul pits lack pastors because pastors are not paid enough and leave the calling of the ministry for more remunera tive employment. The phonograph asks no salary, repeats the best and most approved sermons of famous preachers and can be shut off when ever a sermon taxes the endurance of the congregation. Moreover, "can ned sermons can be syndicated, so that all churches can receive the same message on the same day. Christian Herald. Christopher Betsey! I Just turn your head to one side and let that run in. Let it soak plum in till it ureases the mainsDriner of your thmk-box. Canned sermons! Canned religion! Canned faith! Canned hope! Canned love! Canned prayers! Canned obedience! Canned humility! Canned happiness! Canned oh, shucks in August! The whole bloomin' capoodle seems to be already canned in the devil's kitch- en, and then fermented and got wig- gletails in it. All over the world the Churches of Babylon are having jeeminy-fits over the shortage of preachers. The young men are just not hankering after the preaching job any more. And so the poor old meek and bid - dable phonograph is to be diked out! in a frock coat and standing collar and have a pair of $8.00 specktacles straddled across its nose and sent out to preaching. It isn't intended as a labor-saving device, you see, but as a matter of economy. The phonograph preacher will not have to pay house rent and support a wife and family and smoke 15-cent cigars, and therefore it can work cheap. Great idea, to be sure! And it is an idea that can be ela borated and enlarsred upon as neces- sity arises. From the phonograph in the pulpit, the next logical step will be the phonograph in the pew. The dear brethren and sisterin of the Amen Corner can eet them a supply of small phonographs and put on re- cords filled with "Amen!" and "Praise the Lord!" and "That's right, Broth- er!" and so on And they can leave those phonographs in the pews while the sermon is going on, and they themselves can get out on a back street and serve the devil till the cows come home. The canned audience can be timed so as to say "Amen!" just at the proper place during the canned ser mon, and some good old canned sister could bust out and shout a few rounds every little bit, and it would be just him, and if light can only travel 186, the jimdandiest sort of a service all 000 miles a second, then it is a plain around. A stranger passing by that church would think an old-time revival was in progress, and he would never know the difference till be peeped inside. And then at the Judgment Day God can take the phonograph all to heav en and let the devil have the people. ANOTHER NEW IDEA Here is another idea about the com ing of Christ that I have never seen mentioned in any literature that I have read. To start with we are told that Jesus is now in heaven, at the right hand ofGod. And we are told that heaven is located away above the stars. The preacners wno use tnat expression "above the stars." so erliblv are evi- dentl not even on speakinff terms that the infinity of space is filled with an infinit y of stars, and that there 's not any place "above" or "beyond' the limit of the stars. But they say heaven is "above the stars," and Jesus is coming from there. And they say he will com very suddenly and unexpectedly, with a great light shining around him, and attended by a host of shining angels making a very great display of bright ness and shining. Now let's see how all that will work out in actual practice. Light travels at a speed of 186,000 miles per second. And you will admit that that is eoiner some. But Alpha Centauri, which is supposed to be the nearest fixed star, is so far from the earth that it takes a ray of light from that star three years to reach the earth. And remember that is oui NEAREST star neighbor. No doubt some of the visible stars are so fai 1 away that it would take hundreds oi even thousands of years for a ray of light to cover the distance. Now if Jesus is coming back with a literal body of flesh and bones like I he had when he went away, he and his I whole concourse of angels would have jto travel at the inconceivable speed I of light, and even then it would take I several hundred years to get here, supposing that the starting place is "above the stars," as Walter Watts says. I am not saying that Jesus couldn't come faster than 186,000 miles a sec ond, but if he did he would soon leave his light behind him, for that is all the fast the light could travel. So the result would be that the astronomers would see a new star in the east or a point of light that would look like a star. It would ap I pear to rise in the east and set in the west, just like, the other stars, and I very slowly from year to year it would get brighter as it came nearer to the earth, and in the course of a hundred or two years it would get here. I don't suppose anybody believes that the coming of Jesus will be like that. And yet it would HAVE to be like that if the old theology were true. If he comes from above the stars. and with a great light shining around mathematical proposition, and you I can figure it out for yourself. It I would certainly take him anywhere from one hundred to two or three hundred years to get her. And all that time you would see his light in the heavens at night like an ap proaching comet. It seems more reasonable to me that he would come quietly and secret ly, and that nobody would know it for a good while after he got here . Nobody took any notice of his go ing away, except the little bunch o$ disciples who were with him at the time. It was the very quietest event possible, and the world did not know nor care anything about it. And w are told that his coming back will be in like manner, which would certain ly be quiet and unobserved. Yes, my dear sheep, that is ex actly what I said. The doctrine of eternal torment for the wick ed is a lie and a slander against God. Many people still believe it ignorantly, and Tarn sorry for them. But a great many pretend to believe it who certainly do know better. And The Fool- Killer is going to make that class, of hypocritical hell-spouters look mighty cheap. That slander against the Creator has been al lowed to hold the center of the stage just long a-plenty. The fact that so many deaths, occur in the early mornings may be explained on the theory that some people would rather die than to get up. I know a woman who has a dimple in her cheek so deep that it looks like a gimlet hole. And it gives her an awful bored ex pression, too. $1,000 REWARD I have decided to make a standing offer of One Thousand Dollars Reward to any man. woman or child who will find the term "immortal soul" or "never dying sour anywhere in the Bi ble, from the first chapter of Genesis to the last chapter of Revelation; This is an uncondi tional offer, without any. if s and ands about it, and it is open to any person anywhere who wants to undertake the job. All yon "have to do is to take a piece of paper and write on it the book, chapter and verse in the Bible where the term immortal soul' or "never-dying soul" may be found, and send it to me by reg istered letter, and I will immedi ately mail you a cashier's check for $1,000. If the human soul is immortal and cannot die, surely and un doubtedly the Bible somewhere mentions the fact ; and if it does, then here is some mighty easy monev for somebody. Address : JAMES LARKIN PEARSON, Boomer, North Carolina
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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Feb. 1, 1920, edition 1
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